I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
