Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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