I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
