She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
