She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Just took my morning after pill in the library
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
