She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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