I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Randomize
