oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
