i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Brb crying the tears of my youth
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
