he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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