How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize