oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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