Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
