You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
