Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize