oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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