we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
