She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
