just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
