There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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