Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
