Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
the day after is always just damage control
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
i believe in u and ur pee
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
