If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
