ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
Randomize
