You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
