Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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