yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Randomize
