Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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