I feel like I'm in dance class right now
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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