Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you guys were way drunker than both of me
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
