you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Randomize
