I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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