In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
