New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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