My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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