there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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