I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
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