I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
