His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
