jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
