My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
