At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
