can u get pink eye on your cock?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize