mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I think my moral compass just broke
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
please don't ironically join a cult
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