Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
