I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
