you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
