Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
