med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
