just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
