went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
