so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
