it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Where is the hickey?
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
