he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
