i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize
