My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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