that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
