I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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