I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
