sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
you inspire me to be a worse person
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
