No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
