Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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